Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
