And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
