If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
