I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
did you just send me my own nude
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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