My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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