I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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