PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
