Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
