just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
