Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
