I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im six kinds of drunk right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
my liver is dry heaving
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
