Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If its not for food we ain't going out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
