well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
