It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
