Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
