I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
