I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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