Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
