she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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