God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
