my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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