Porn is love you can see.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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