craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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