dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
