Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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