I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
