Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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