@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
