My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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