jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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