Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
