I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
