someone threw a dead crab at me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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