Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
