Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
