No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
