he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize