I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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