I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
