My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
