Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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