im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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