your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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