I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
