please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
