I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
