You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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