Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
