It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
