I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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