he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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