Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
