remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
