Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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