Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
