well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
