some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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