Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
