She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
