I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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