Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
